Stopping The Erosion of Love in Marriage: (How to Overcome Divorce in Marriage).
What is love? According to Bisi Adewale in her book titled:'Fight For That Marriage' she says love are kind actions taken towards somebody who may not even deserve it. Love is giving, carrying, helping, thinking, smiling, forgiving, appreciating and complimenting. Its doing kind things. Hence, Love is a choice! Love is unconditional emotion from the heart mixed with kindness and compassion, which makes one to be ready to serve the other party or make sacrifice. Hence, its service; its sacrifice!
From the above definition you'll discover that, know matter your bad feelings, if you choose to love and take kind actions you'll still feel love. Hence, for love to work you must always take kind actions towards your partner without expecting anything in return.
Hear this testimony: A 7year old called his father one day and said, "Daddy, I want to ask you a question, but promise me you will not be annoyed or beat me..."
The father promised, but Junior was not convinced. "Daddy, don't just promise, but swear that you'll not beat me..."
Junior, "his father responded angrily, ask your question. I'll not beat you."
But Junior insisted that his father must swear. When he discovered that Junior would not bulge, he swore because he was desperate to hear his question.
"Daddy, were you blind when you married mummy...? Junior eventually released the bomb shell. The father was annoyed but Junior reminded him that he had sworn not to beat him but answer his question.
" Junior, of course you know that I was not blind when I married your mother." He was forced to answer.
Daddy, if you were not blind why did marry somebody you do not love...? Why did you marry mummy and hate her that way...? I saw you beating her yester- night and heard her crying and cursing you. Both of you thought I was sleeping. I even over heard you telling Uncle Deji that mummy is a bad woman when you said you were not blind...? Whenever I want to marry, I will marry a good woman, somebody that I keenly love," the lad stated.
After that, the indicted father became sober. That was the turning point in his marriage. He had to sit down and examine why he had grown to hate the woman he loved so much in those days. Many marriages are in this sorrow state. They all started well in the courtship days and were on top of the world at their honeymoon. But things suddenly changed, turning best friends to sworn enemies. Companions to combatants and lovers to fighters.
What are the causes of all these...? Does it mean they did not really love each other in the first instance...? Were they pretending? No! They did love each other but allowed their love erode. What is erosion of love? Erosion is the process of gradual destruction or reduction of love in marriage or any relationship. Hence, erosion of love is gradual. It starts unnoticed until it becomes a real problem. What are the causes of erosion of love in once blossoming marriages that were full of beauty, joy, peace and romance...?/They are: Ucenter Dress lds of the wedding
(1). Rigidity and failure to change.
(2). "Solo" syndrome (you're always right).
(4). Absence of good communication.
(5). Poor Parenting/ background.
(6). Failure to balance career and home.
(7). Evil Addiction ( to drug, alcohol, TV,
Computer, Newspapers etc).
(8). Third party influence.
(9). Absence of mutual sharing.
(10). Absence of good planning.
(11). Marital illiteracy/ ignorance.
(12). Sexual denial.
(13). Pregnancy or delivery syndrome.
(14). Night crawling and partying.
(15). Unfaithfulness or Untruthfulness.
(16). Bad leadership from the husband.
(17). Failure of the wife to submit.
(18). Leaking one's partners secret.
(20). Lack of appreciation and
(21). Stinginess and failure to provide for
(22). Lack of togetherness.
(23). Lack of trust and faithfulness.
(24). Wrong association.
(25). Wrong mentality.
(27). Perfectionist tendency.
(29). Retaliation or revengeful spirit.
(30). Demonic influence.
(31). Lack of contentment.
(34). Barbaric customs and traditions.
(35). Undue comparison.
(36). Uncontrollable anger.
(38). Lack of balance, spiritualizing
(39). Faithlessness and anxiety.
(40). Wrong confession/ exaggerations
from demonic prophets.
From all indications, good marriages are not just made in heaven. They demand much carefulness in the act of word management, as you re -affirm your commitment and love for one another and constantly tap into the exceeding grace of God through communion prayers as well as go for Counseling when it's needed.
Note that, both parties are from two different backgrounds hence they need to be patient to tolerate one another. Therefore, from start to finish of any marriage that will stand the test of time, God must be involved as the Pillar. And you must learn to constantly seek knowledge, understanding, and wisdom from His Word as the Manual of your marriage or else such a marriage will be a colossal accident waiting to happen. I wish you goodluck....!!!