Thought for tonight...
I know! Its been a long time.
This situation with my son is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.
Not only am I sad... But I'm also angry... And anyone who knows me well can tell you that I don't handle anger well... Or at least I didn't used to.
First.... He is my son and I love him. I will always love him. But I also love myself.
Does that sound selfish?
I'm sorry if it does... But if there is one thing I've learned in this crazy life of mine its this.....
No one is responsible for my happiness but me.
Not my friends. Not boyfriends... Not my children. So if I'm miserable... Its my own fault.
I can't make anyone see any situation MY way if that's not how they see it.
Yes I feel that I did my best to be there for my sons. But if that's not how one of them sees it.... I can't change that. The best I can do is let him know that I'm always going to be here...that I'll always love him. And I'll continue to pray.... I've done that. The rest is up to God and Jordan.
Being a drug addict doesn't make this easy for me. I still want to mask my pain. But I know what this would cause...so I find new ways to cope with life...
Having two other children who love me and check on me absolutely makes this easier.... One of which lived in that same home with the same people yet came away from the situation with a completely different view than his brother.
I don't understand that. And maybe I never will.
But here's what I do know.
I know God will fix this. I know HE has a plan.
I know HE hardens hearts for a reason...and I know that just as he can harden them, he can also soften them. I also know that sometimes Gods answer is no. And I've learned to accept that this is a valid answer in many situations for me. I'll accept it here as well. And here's why.
Life is absolutely too short.
Having a heart attack can certainly change the way we see life.
We never know when our last day will be.
So instead of focusing on the negative... I choose to focus on the positive...
That means living this life my Father gave me. Enjoying the gifts HE placed right in front of me...
My friends. My family. My jobs. My LIFE.
I pulled out my tree and decorations the other day. But I realized that the entire tree has always been based on my boys. So I put it back up. Tonight i changed my mind. I bought two boxes and this weekend ill be boxing up those decorations to pass to my boys when the time is right. That was my intention anyway. Each year my sons got a new ornament and my plan was to pass those ornaments to them when they grew up and got married. That is still my plan. So what better time to start a new tree? UcenterDress wedding outfits at wholesale prices
Ill put the new one up this weekend!
Here's to new beginnings y'all!
And thank you Lord for allowing me that.
Tomorrow I go for a cholesterol checkup.
Y'all pray for best results.
Headed to bed soon.
Lift someone up tonight Love y'all
Peace and love